RANTING


** Disclaimer: Ranting includes all of the rampant cussing, screaming, and blatant idiocy that  you'd expect of something using that namesake. Enjoy! **


Thank God We Found Out Before the Squirrels Go Into Rutting Season

(1/14/05) - This is a true story that happened to my friend Mike Rotch.  This is valuable information, so please pass it on!  It could save your life, or the life of someone you love.

One day while Mike was driving on his way to work, a squirrel ran out in front of his car.  Mike had his headlights on, and the relative humidity out was about 75%.  What Mike didn't know was that the combination of those three things can be deadly. Squirrels respond with violence when confronted with a combination of headlights and relative humidity of about 65%.  These are things that most people are aware of.  However, becaus Mike's car was  Toyota and Toyotas a re programed to respond violently to attacking squirrels, Mike's car suddenly flew up into the air at 90 miles per hour, did a complete 360 degree flip, caught fire, then landed and took off at an uncontrollable speed down the hiway.  With the angry squirrel attached to Mike's flaming windshield and trying to eat his way through the glass, Mike lost control of his car and flew off the road, landing in a huge pile of broken glass and ravenous crocodiles. 

Mike died, but perhaps his death will not be in vain if even a few people can learn something from this. Please forward this to everyone you know, and to people you don't know.  Also to your neighbors, their families, pets, NASA, and any corporations you can think of.

-Ape


 

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